Monday, May 15, 2006

Aftermath of Adultery

My mind dwelling on that passionate night, I wrote to her:-

My dear Tingting,

How nice to exchange emails with you this evening. What I told you is true - -I really have been thinking of you a lot since Tuesday. And not just about what happened Tuesday night, though that was glorious, passionate, unforgettable; but also I have been thinking a lot just about being with you, spending time in your company. You’re confident, funny, and strong, a person of wonderful qualities. I like the way you smile, your dark, flashing eyes and your silky black hair, your delicate hands and your wonderful, glowing skin.

You said in one of your messages that your heart was full of fear. Believe me, I do understand that. It’s true you don’t know me very well, and I’m sure you’ve heard lots of stories about how bad and uncaring foreign guys can be. And I’m sorry to have to admit those stories are often true.

It’s also true that I am a bad guy, for urging you to come back to my place when I knew you were a married woman. Maybe I should not have done that. But, my dear Tingting, you are a wonderful, remarkable woman and I did very much want to be with you; and I do want to be with you in the coming weeks and months too. I swear to you I am not married, and what happened was, I hope, not just a one-night thing. I want to know you better, to get to find out who you really are. I am, mostly, quite a serious guy when it comes to love and sex, and so I do want there to be something more between us than just that one night. Of course, since you are married, we cannot be together permanently… but we can still spend time with each other, share some of our life together.

I am fully aware that you must be feeling a little guilty right now. But I urge you not to feel that way – what we shared was our own private secret, just between you and me. it is good to have passion in your life, and I think that with all the work you have to do at the hospital there is no much room for passion in your life.

And you are a passionate woman.. I know you think you are a `traditional’ woman, but I am not quite sure that’s true. I think underneath your traditional outside there is, inside, a bold and passionate and sexy woman…and I saw some of that side of you, your passion, your sense of freedom and adventure – oh, now, I want to be explicit, straightforward about what I felt, about everything that happened that night… but I guess that might still embarrass you!

All in all, I just want to say: believe me, trust me. I won’t cheat you or lie to you. Of course I can’t make you believe that just by telling you. But let’s just be together and then, I hope, you will come to see I am trustworthy, and kind. Let’s just see where this thing we have started goes..

I’m thinking of you…


Your B___



To which she said, among other things:-

I am a simple woman so I told you my fears. Yes, I am afraid that you’ll lie to me. If you are a serious guy in love and sex, would you have brought a condom in your bag? Believe me, I am not censuring you. It is your business how you live your life. And nobody -- including you -- has forced me to do what I did. Maybe in the end I will be deeply hurt. But that is a price I am willing to pay. But I worry about my husband. I feel guilty just pursuing my own happiness. He is innocent and does nothing wrong. You said what we shared was our own secret, so my husband will not know. But can you understand the guilt is in my mind and my heart?

You need not swear to me that you are not married. That’s your business. I’m married too so I have no right to interfere your life. And even if we were both single we would still have our own space in our hearts and souls

I am indeed a traditional woman. I want to follow a traditional life. I want to follow the Chinese pattern because my style of thinking is traditional too. Yes, sometimes I am a little bold. But it’s hard for me.

Let me see what you are.

I kiss you goodnight.


To this I replied:-

Dear Tingting,

It was very nice to find your email waiting for me when I got up this morning. It made getting up so early (7 o’clock… very early for a lazy guy like me) a lot more pleasurable.

Well, I am glad you are thinking about me. As I say, you’re on my mind too, and I have been thinking about you and thinking about that night a lot.

I’m sorry that you have a lot of worries about this, but I do understand. And I know the fact I had a condom in my bag worried you, too. Well, I am not really the kind of guy who’s into casual sex; for me, it is important that emotion is involved. In fact that bag was my traveling bag, for when I go to teach in other cities, and the condom was there from a time when I was involved with a person in Hangzhou. But that’s been over for quite a long time. In general I don’t have a lot of sexual partners. Of course there’s no way for you to know that’s true, and since you are a doctor I am sure you are more aware than others of sexual diseases. But I am a clean and healthy guy, and indeed the results from the blood test on my health check-up show that. In fact, next time I see you, I will show you my blood test results so you can explain to me what they all mean. I understand the main ones, but there are lots of other results that I do not understand.

Dear, it is quite natural for you to feel guilty about your husband. That’s a normal, healthy reaction. But also I think it is o.k. for you to explore your own passions and feelings.

In my time as a teacher I have met many young Chinese women who were in unsatisfying marriages. Their husbands were decent, kind, reliable people. But again and again they told me their husbands also lacked passion, that they were unimaginative and not very exciting. Now of course passion and excitement are not the most important things in marriage or in life. But they are, even so, a big part of life. And everyone has a right to passion and excitement. And that’s why I think it is o.k. for us to be together. You can still care for and love your husband; with me you are just looking for something he cannot provide, perhaps. Dear, life is short; people must make the most of life while they can. Yes, I know you feel guilt; but your husband will never know about this. This is part of your life only, not his; you told me you give him a lot of freedom, and I guess there are parts of his life which are private to him, too – parts which you know nothing about. Dear, this is just the way life works.

You tell me you are traditional, and that you want to follow a traditional pattern. But if you can choose which pattern you want to follow, then that means you are not `really’ traditional, you are just `choosing’ to be, since it is the easiest way in this society, and it is the way you have been brought up. And then you say your thinking is traditional – but again I think that is just because you are used to it, not because it is your `real’ character.

For example, when we were together that night, you were uncomfortable with the light being on. And the next morning, when it was light, you told me you had never made love in the morning like that; but we did anyway, and – you see? – it was not at all difficult, was it? And I liked it because, my dear Tingting, you have a wonderful, glorious, beautiful body; I have found it very hard to stop thinking about your beautiful skin, your lovely, smooth soft breasts, your sexy, smooth delicate stomach, your sweet and graceful legs and arms.. oh, and, of course, between your legs, how beautiful you are, how sexy, how perfect! Tingting, your body is to be admired, worshipped… not to be hidden in the dark. You should be proud of your beauty, style and grace. You know, I could just sit looking at you, naked, for hours. You are a work of art.. you really are.

I hope all that does not embarrass you too much? But if it does.. dear, you might just have to get used to it, since I will find it hard not to say these things to you in the future.

You also say that you have no right to interfere in my life. And of course, to an extent we must keep out lives separate. But even so, I do want to share myself with you, to let you see and understand all parts of my life; I don’t want to hide anything much from you. But also I do not want to take up too much of your time… because this situation is far more difficult for you than it is for me; and so I will never demand, or expect anything from you, and will never push you to be with me more than you want to be with me. And if, later, you decide you want to stop what has happened between us, then I will fully understand, I will make no fuss.

Ok, that will be enough for one email.

With my affection, and many kisses –


And most of that was true.

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Anonymous said...

I found your blog via a wikipedia link and I must say that you sir, are something else. You write a fascinating blog, although after reading about a year's worth of posts I will say it does get a bit redundant.

Have you learned anything about yourself from all your conquests ? Are you getting bored yet ?

ChinaBounder said...

Anonymous wrote:

‘…although after reading about a year's worth of posts I will say it does get a bit redundant.

It certainly does. There’s only so many ways one can say nothing.

‘Have you learned anything about yourself from all your conquests ?’

Nary a thing.

‘Are you getting bored yet ?’